centered

i've tried my best to be a good yoga student. i learned how to breathe properly, how to move slowly in poses, how to try being present in the moment. with accomplished yogis guiding my way, i still always struggled to clear my mind and relax during the active parts of classes.

when i went to class in the park with my favorite yogi, i struggled to shake the sleep from my brain. more often than not, i couldn't stay for the entire class and had trouble focusing on more than my watch, lest i be late to meet my parents for lunch for example. if i made it to the end of class, it was usually because i arrived late, and i was playing catch up limbering up. struggles.

i took a class at school last year for eight weeks on mondays. simply being at school would not allow my mind to clear. stresses of the day were hard to shake when i was still in the place that housed them. the best i was able to do was fall asleep at the end of class. snoring.

saturday afternoon, i finally was able to clear out stresses. with an inexperienced yogi. perhaps it was my self-conscious nature at previous classes that held me back, but i was absolutely relaxed and mind cleared throughout the class. balanced. mind focused on peaceful settings. mountains out west. boulders back east. toes in the ocean. fingers in the snow. it finally convinced me that i can do yoga on my own. all i need is a mat, and i have my balcony to sharpen my focus. i'll see what i can do starting then.

downward facing dog

yesterday, as i brought my groceries in, i saw a woman doing yoga by herself in the grass. facing westward, it took me a second to realize she wasn't dancing. it was a beautiful afternoon to do it. rather than making me laugh because she looked silly, it made me simultaneously happy and sad. happy from outdoor yoga memories. sad because i miss climbing with the yogi. i briefly thought of joining her, when i realized that my inexperience would have intruded on her spiritual experience. i walked silently by, wishing for a day when i know more and can practice on my own.

namaste.