one thing

One thing that's always lacked from my teaching career has been a sense of consistency. I came into my first school in the middle of the year and struggled with my first class. Thirty-three weeks later, I said goodbye to them still asking questions about Mrs. Browning, the teacher I replaced at retirement. Normally, in teaching second grade, you get to see the students pass through the grades before going on to middle school. Not so in that school. Second grade was as high as they went, so off they went "up the hill" to the other elementary school that dealt with the third through fifth grades. It was kind of strange to see second graders get senioritis as they puffed up at the responsibility of being the oldest students in the school.

Four years later, change needed, though feeling some sense of consistency. I knew many of the students at the school, kindergarten on up. Many of the parents knew my face and vice versa. Working with siblings of former students makes things easier at the beginning of the year without a doubt.

Here, I won't get that chance. At a larger school grade-wise, it's even harder to feel that sense of consistency. You get to know the outspoken students in other grades, the ones your colleagues are always talking about, but you don't know them from Adam. In any case, I lost the chance to know two classes of students by looping this year. To top it off, I'm off to a new school next year.

I sure hope that I can get some roots at the next stop on my teaching journey. If I don't, I think I may have to get out of this teaching game. It's too hard to adjust to a new place this often.

roller coasters

Life is a funny roller coaster. Unlike a roller coaster, the dips are less fun and more terrifying because we often can't see where the track levels out. The ride up isn't the exciting part, the opposite of life as well. That's the most excruciatingly boring part, until finally at the precipice, the car speeds up and gives you a shot of adrenaline.

I suppose an optimist would look at life's roller coaster as such, with a better outlook on the overall picture. A pessimist would view the ride more like an actual roller coaster for someone that doesn't like to ride them. On the way up, wondering when the bottom will fall out; back down again, heart racing, terrified of the outcome. The optimist will take it all in stride. Enjoy the ride up, not worried about the top. Look ahead on the way down, knowing it's going to level out eventually so you can catch your breath.

Where does this metaphor come from? Life lately has been a roller coaster ride. From the dizzying heights of my roller coaster ride, I thought life couldn't get much better. Friends at work, new friends to climb with, blissful relationship. Then the stresses piled on and on. Destaffed. Traumatic spondylithiosis. Migraines. Hunting for a new apartment.

Just like that, the cars leveled off at the bottom of the hill, took a barrel roll, and began their climb back up to normal. New job transfer accomplished, apartment settled for next year, climbing to destress, taking time to breathe and snap some photos. Give and take. It's a wonderful ride.

what i would've done

Were my life circumstances slightly altered, I may have handled the last two weeks entirely differently. Without my leaning post to keep me upright and sunny side up, I might've retreated back into my introverted cave. I might've reverted to old habits. I might've left it all behind again, packed up this time and headed to Colorado or some other point out west. Climbing and snowboarding and dirtbagging sounded pretty good. I'm sure I'd get sick of it pretty quickly. I need to feel grounded. Maybe my wanderlust is fading.

Here's to a new start and putting down roots. I hope the county'll let me stay wherever I land for longer than two years. I don't yet know why my purpose at this school was limited to two years' time. Maybe in several years, it will become more apparent. I hope I can maintain contact with some of these students. This year has been pretty spectacular, and I really feel connected to this class. They know me, and I feel like I know them. It hasn't happened for a few years, that's for sure.

I hope I find it again wherever this traveling teaching show lands next.

quoted

i subscribe to a few weekly finance newsletters from various newspapers. the one i enjoy the most is written by michelle singletary of the washington post. last week, she asked for some reader responses to a dear prudence column about being underemployed with a college degree. granted, i'm not underemployed, but i do think from time to time about switching career tracks. i responded anyway. here's the context:

Working It Out
A grocery store clerk was wrestling with customer and colleague questions about why he's bagging groceries with a college degree.

The letter made me wonder if others were employed at jobs that weren't satisfying just so they could maintain an income. Here's what some of you wrote:

M. Johnson of Orinda, Calif., says that like the grocery store clerk, he was passed over for a job because he was overqualified and they were fearful he'd resign for another opportunity.

"But more alarming is why they wouldn't bring me on and then hope to create something for me where I could continue to add significant value to the enterprise far beyond my cost to them. Shortsightedness? In this market? Unfortunately," Orinda wrote.

Teacher Ben J. from Arlington, Va., said he's "content to have a job that I enjoy, even if it feels like it controls my life at times."

One Maryland reader, who asked that her name not be used, said that she can "identify completely with the grocery store clerk." She graduated from a top school and took a fellowship that paid $26,000.

"I loved my job, but I would often skip meals just to make sure I was making my bills," she wrote. "I found work at a high-end retail store in sales and actually make significantly more than before. But I still get asked all the time why I'm not using my degree or what I'm doing there. Sometimes I feel like responding, 'I enjoy eating lunch.'"

Joseph Zairo of Pa., puts it all in perspective: "I get up at 4:30 a.m. and as I am getting ready for work I think about and plan for the day. I try to make things interesting. Work is work."

ch-ch-ch-changin'

flashback to my first year teaching. we're reading a story called the emperor's egg. it was about penguins. think march of the penguins without morgan freeman narrating. this is pre-penguin documentary. i'm trying to explain how the male penguins transport and protect the eggs. i have an egg between my ankles, demonstrating how they slide down hills. on their bellies. laying on top of desks, tyler walks in from his reading group, does a double take, and says, "i'll wait outside."

marvelass. that's how i tend to teach, jumping on desks and such. can't do that this year. or last. one little guy that can't handle that sort of excitement.

today, that changed. i challenged my math class to get all their work right. boring work, but it got them motivated. the prize? push-ups by the teacher. long story short, i owed them 25 push-ups at the end of class. you'd think that i played tag on the playground or raced them to the fence and back or shaved my head for charity.

nah, i'd never do anything like that...

craggin'

up and down day. my gators lost.

i built a bridge yesterday. that's right, i built a bridge. as part of adopt-a-crag, the mid atlantic climbers and the access fund did some trail work yesterday at carderock. this was the sixth year for adopt-a-crag at carderock, and in the past, i'm told it was little more than spreading mulch. from many scout service projects, i recall that spreading about 60 cubic yards of mulch is not what most would call fun. i was bound and determined to get on the crew that was building and moving and digging rather than the ones that were pitchforking and dumping load after load of mulch.

it was slow going at first, beset on all sides by subterranean rocks to prevent setting the rebar. we managed to find some gaps and with some creative cutting, we managed to level out our twelve foot bridge with some simple trigonometry from an engineer and pure grunt carpentry. predrilling nail holes became the modus operandi. my nail setting skill returned from my decking days with rance and didn't need the predrill, much to the chagrin of the dewalt-wielding fellow builder.

the bridge treads didn't lay out perfectly. there was going to be a big gap that wasn't quite wide enough for one of our foot treads, but far too wide to space out the rest of them to fake it. so i had to rip one of the treads to 2 5/8". perfect with the circular saw. the teammates were summarily impressed. i'll find the pictures online somewhere and share them with y'all.

that aside, i went 7-3 in my college picks. i've been having a good season. georgia lost. 'bama won. ohio state won. illinois looked good, but penn state won. that took the sting off a little bit. being surrounded by rabid fans who think by appearance that you're one of them makes any game fun. it was especially so yesterday among the happy valley faithful at rhino bar. espn kept showing our gator lowlights though.

at least i built a bridge.

i can't

this pace of life the last few weeks is wearing me out. i need some r & r. after a weekend spent at home for barely more than to sleep, i've got another busy one coming up. lord help me make it to october 4th!

school daze

oddly, i'm not too tired this week from getting up early. my overly bright bedroom helped me keep close to my school sleep schedule all summer. however, my energy level to actually work in my classroom this year is low low low. i'm struggling to get it all together, as usual, but this year seems slower than most. moving classrooms and begging borrowing stealing materials since i changed grade level is eating up a lot of time. then, of course, my attention level is decreasing my focus. a summer spent being lazy for the morning, checking email, watching the daily show, resulted in a lack of industriousness. no matter how many times i felt motivated to do a lot in a day this summer, i never managed to finish a manageable task list on any of them.

this does not bode well for the intensity that i've gotten myself into. i'm simultaneously excited and terrified at feeling like this is my first year teaching all over again...

appreciation

maybe it's because i'm a man in a mostly female work environment. maybe it's because i'm a cynic. maybe it's because i'm grumpy. this week is teacher appreciation week. i dread this week every year. why?

the appreciation doled out by our parents and administration is made with the best of intentions. i didn't get into teaching for the accolades or six-figure paychecks. lord knows neither one is coming around anytime soon!

the parents that give their all to show their appreciation during these weeks are the parents whose kids will succeed regardless of who's in the classroom. why? because they care. these parents see schools as only part of the equation in raising their children, not the whole kit and caboodle. these parents know that their kids will never make it in this world if they pass off their parenting responsiblities to a different person each year, realizing the constant of their parenting has far more impact. sure, these kids will always remember their favorite teachers, as i do. the ones that extolled the virtue of raising your voice at injustice (mr. deveney), the ones that connected subject matter to real life (mr. beames), the ones that let you slack off senior year (mrs. goldwyn), or the ones that made learning fun (mrs. harris, mrs. lombard, mrs. lay, mrs. stafford).

the administration? well, it'd be nice if it felt like we were on the same team most of the time. problem is, our new era of principals and their ilk are more concerned with test scores and budgets than getting to know the kids or connecting with their staff. dr. hirsch was the best first principal i could've hoped for. she was old school. encouraging, wise, loving. even when i screwed up, i could count on her to help me out. no child left behind administrations don't care as much unless your kids perform well on the Almighty Test. that's what i'd appreciate. guidance. yeah, i'm five years in, but i never feel that way. there's always much to learn, and aside from a workshop off-site, i never feel like i'm getting the resources i need from my own school. shouldn't that be the way to show your appreciation? to further my professional development by learning from your wisdom, rather than telling me what workshop to go to or what test score to strive for?

keep your recipe books and mary kay gift cards. if i can't glean some knowledge from this place, what incentive to i have to stay?

better than expected

following two or three great night's rest, i was beginning to feel a lot better. allergies kicking a little bit, but not to the extent that others are feeling it. after an evening chat with mercy, i'm back to what normal has been. happy go lucky, go with the flow. i'm deflecting the questions about whether or not i requested my move to third grade (i did) with a shoulder shrug, and "i'm flexible." the teammates are still upset, understandably after they have to "train" a new teacher each year. a comment that i find rather insulting, but i'm past that. on my afterschool run yesterday, i decided that i'm just going to keep trying to surround myself with positivity and ignore the negativity. will that make me seem aloof at work? perhaps, but complaining about shit doesn't fix it. do something to make yourself happy. if you don't like where you're at, change it. that seems to be the new theme in my life.

my personal life is great. nothing big doing this week. movies and such, just relaxing on the couch with her. long talks about nothing in particular. mercy commented that i seem to be a lot happier these days, in both my writings and when she talks to me. she said she's never known be to be this happy with anyone, and she's known me since grad school.

last week's stress lingering in my mind, i did have a fitful night's sleep last night. the rest this week helped ease me into the day. the second conference about the same student with the same mother went remarkably better. everyone was calmer, and we were able to discuss the other options for next year. everything's in motion now, hopefully we can get this child some much-needed help beyond what she's already getting. i don't like the feeling that i could irrevocably screw up a child's life with a wrong decision, but i do take solace in the fact that there is a lot more wisdom and experience backing me up and helping me along. i'll get through this stress, with a little help from my loved ones. thanks for listening, y'all.

silence

in the workplace, when you've been asked not to talk about something, why is it that someone invariably keeps asking about it? yesterday, i got an email about meeting with administration about switching grade levels for next year. they wanted me to loop up to third grade. i won't be truly looping, since i doubt that i'll get my entire class again. that'd be far too much time with some of them (and not enough for others!) i was asked also to not discuss the move with anyone until letters came out to everyone with their tentative grade level assignments today. no problem. since i agreed to that, i feel like i've lied to at least five coworkers when they've asked if i got an email or had a meeting. the cat's out of the bag now, the letters are out, and i have to deal with the rumor outbreak and emotional mess it might cause with my current grade level. it feels almost deceptive, and there really was no way for me to respond to their questions without at the very least admitting that i'd had a meeting, which not everyone had! grrr...

where do professionalism and personalism intersect in the workplace? moreso in a school, i feel the line between the two gets blurred often and readily as most of the people who go into teaching tend to be cut from the same mold. with that much in common, it's easy to become friends with coworkers, even if we don't interact too much outside of school. i have a hard time dealing with these personal relationships as i don't have a whole lot in common with too many teachers at my school. i never have. sure, we have similar interests here and there, but middle-aged married/divorced mothers aren't in my usual entourage. it explains why i've sought out the younger teachers or the few men at this school as friends, or why i always befriended the interns in florida.

stressed

this morning was one of the most stressful conferences i've ever had. i don't suppose i'll understand how it feels to get negative feedback about my child's progress until i have one of my own. karma tells me that mine'll be full of piss and vinegar like i was, but there's enough adderall and ritalin in the water supply to settle things down. hopefully, it doesn't take nearly as long for my offspring to move from outcasts to outgoing. i'm wiped out emotionally from the conference, as her mother fought back tears of frustration at me, at school, about what to do. i'm drained and it's not even my child.

42 days left. seems so far away. this year will be far different than years past in that i won't have to say goodbye to this class. they'll all be at the same school for the next four years with me. hopefully the senioritis of second grade won't set in. now the real stress of the year begins. work creeping into my dreams. normal destressors having no effect. i don't feel any relief from climbing, running, moving. i'm just as tired when i wake up as when i went to bed. i hate this part of year. don't let me dwell on it outside of work, ok?

cultural clarity

from whence i came, my coworkers were all very friendly. my mothering hens, our unofficial men's club, the interns that became my friends by the simple proximity of our ages and our interests. i still maintain (or attempt to maintain) contact with a handful of the interns that came through our little school in my time there. outside of school, their varied interests in college football and live music and boisterous barrooms lined right up with my very same interests! my mothers always looked out for me, and to some extent they still do. i know when they get to meet the macaroni to my cheese, they're going to love her. how could they not?

i digress. our men's club also worked together in a very woman-dominated school. i was the lone classroom teacher representative. we had a music teacher representative, the expectedly male p.e. coach, and one administrator. add to the mix our awesome custodial crew, and the seven of us could often be found on monday afternoons playing armchair quarterback after the kids left. yes, our female colleagues were also as knowledgeable and could hold their own in these conversations, but we men were the constant. the women varied.

i sometimes wonder why that cameraderie isn't quite there at my new school. she and i were discussing perceptions and stereotypes and how our own experiences shape and color (no pun intended) our interactions from a very young age. suddenly it clicked. the culture that some of these very same men come from colors their perceptions of work, and their interactions with we teachers. our head custodian is korean, and i finally figured out that his cultural perceptions of work dictate less personal communication and a seemingly stronger work ethic. [note the time: yes, i am writing at work! the kids are gone, i'm leaving as soon as i finish, but still...] the building supervisor is a loquacious salvadoran man. he always has a big smile on his face, always willing to have a short conversation with a teacher when he comes into their classroom. again, to what extent does his culture play a role? is it merely personality, or is it more of how he was socialized? on the surface, it would seem that an older black woman would have little to talk about with me. however, my conversations with her are filled with laughter and joking and good-natured kidding. is it that talking with her reminds me of those friends i left behind, that she has more of a southern, slow-talking mentality? a reminder of the fictive kin i formed in alachua?

"at least it's monday..."

a sentence that passes the lips of working stiffs oh-so-rarely. the p.e. teacher said this very sentence today. it got me wondering why. shouldn't we be thankful for each new week? the opportunity to contribute to the good of society? to do something we love?

problem is, no matter how much we love our jobs, the majority of us love our leisure time more. as the bumper sticker goes, a bad day fishing is better than a good day working.

in alachua county, we had early dismissal on wednesdays. those short days broke up the week nicely. here in fairfax, that day is monday. starting off the week with a short monday makes friday afternoon more bearable. i can skimp on prep then, leave on time, and relax on the weekend. the rest of the week still seems to drag as i tend to live for the weekend.

if you are indeed fortunate enough to truly love your job and all the people you work with, consider yourself truly blessed. i need some career advice so that monday is just another day in the sequence instead of the highest number in my perpetual countdown to the weekend...

the sound of silence

ever work with someone that can't stop talking? back in the day, there was this ned flanders clone that i worked with. every morning at the job site, he'd be happy as a pig in shit. forgive the language, but let's remember that i'm talking about my redneck roots. anyhow, in this story, i am homer simpson in my distaste for ned's upbeat and often judgmental comments emanating from beneath his pushbroom mustache. there was just something about his holier-than-thou attitude that made his constant chatter the bane of my workday. it finally got to me one day. his insistence on calling me benny-boy or son snapped the camel's back. i went off on him. he wasn't the boss, and he wasn't a good co-worker. he didn't respect me, it showed daily, and i lost it.

i've worked other places since where a co-worker has had the tendency to fill silence with inane chatter. more often than not, i deal with it better now; however, the smothering of mothering has gotten to me from time to time. the difference is that now it's out of kindness and helpfulness and not a need to feel superior to me. still though, i'm starting to tune out those co-workers when i ought not to. i prefer silence often, and i also use my mp3 player to keep my focus. my palmer-induced ADD makes it hard enough to focus without interruptions.

am i developing the male tendency towards selective listening? or am i truly ADD and having trouble coping?

holiday parties

as a kid, i wound up at a few work-related holiday parties with my mother. if i was lucky, there was a kindred soul or two in the form of one of the other teachers' sons. occasionally though, i was left to fend for myself either with the "old ladies", who in reality weren't much older than my mother. as you well know, as a kid, everyone who's either taller than you or can drive is pretty much a senior citizen. now, not so much. rarely was there a male colleague at said parties, so i learned well how to make polite conversation with people that i really had nothing in common with besides knowing my mother.

fast forward a few years to now (ok, more than a few!), and i'm learning that holiday parties can be just as uncomfortable to the invited guests when they're work-related. i have no doubt that my mother was indeed friends with her colleagues, as they often went shopping and did things i thought all mothers did. elliot (dc101's morning host/dj) shared that many companies are doing away with the traditional holiday party because of either the expense or the feeling that it's a forced gathering with people you already spend a lot of time with, or don't necessarily want to see outside of work! in hearing some of my friends talk about their respective upcoming (or already past) parties, i get the sense that both are entirely accurate. yes, networking and such is key to advancing your career. in my field...not so much. collegiality is an important part of the climate of a school, now more than ever with the stringent requirements placed on education and the necessity for a team effort to get all of our charges to succeed. at the same time, it's still a little strange to sit around at a holiday party and drink a beer or a glass of wine with your administrators, all the while talking about work (which i don't particularly like to do outside of work!).

so, yesterday was our staff holiday party. off campus, of course, though we were "on the clock" for the majority of the time. i am fortunate here to have a few teachers that are closer in age to me and have a little more in common. at least last year, though i lacked many things in common, i could always count on talking football with my old...er, former colleagues. feigned familiarity during this time of year still feels weird. i'm still out of my element at work. perhaps it will come, perhaps we all still need to relax a little bit with one another. i'm hoping it does. at the very least i'd like to have discussions at lunch or elsewhere that don't center on work. i guess since i spend so much time here, i'd like to feel a bit more like...myself?

winter

IT'S SNOWING!!!!

(i know i'll be sick of it come march, but i'm still like a 5 year-old! i want to go outside and play, but i have to work. boo!)

forecast calls for up to an inch tomorrow. snow day?

disjointed

disjointed thought processes aside, last week was pretty amazing. read between the lines of friday night's incoherent babbling, and you'll find that i'm supremely busy. this silly city has me burning my candle at all three ends. perhaps why i slept so well on lee's floor on friday night. i'd edit that last post, but i think it's funnier unedited.

to clear some things up, 9:30 club is phenomenal. i wish it were easier to get to. it is a music venue. it's common grounds times two with eddie c's sound system and pros at the controls (non-gainesville people: just imagine awesome). i went to a christmas show and saw sister hazel play. we missed pat mcgee's set, and i got utterly confused. it had been 10 years since i'd seen them...

this weekend's climbing was marvelous. my guinness t-shirt didn't fail me. i put down two long-standing projects of mine, as well as my first V6--the hueco-riffic the shotgun. (non-climbers: that means i'm improving, in spite of my 2 month hiatus). beautiful weather, good friends, inside jokes, unoriginal thoughts, hazzard-included slumber party.

to clarify further my musings on work, i shan't discuss my troubles outside of work too often. monday and wednesday will be my longer days at school, in order to improve my climbing experience at the gym. lower stress levels for me, hopefully increased productivity. the stress level last week reached its fever pitch. i nearly lost my mind. out of sheer frustration, when it finally abated, i refused to think about it. not necessarily very nicely either (sorry, Ma! do you forgive me?) now that work has affected my relationships with my friends and family, i'm going to redouble my efforts to leave it all there. less surfing, more planning and differentiating and collaborating.